Warning- this is a first world problems post. Yes I know- the entitlement, the privilege. I know it all. You don’t have to tell me.
But. I am in the market for a new laptop. For roughly the past decade, I have not needed a personal laptop. My iphone has pretty much been enough for me. Sometimes I use a tablet too. But I am a committed technophobe. Technology scares me. I don’t know how to use it and sometimes I think it is for the best, because I already have a pretty addictive personality and so if I really cracked how to use tech, I’m sure there would be no relief for my little mind ( Addiction.) Anyway, lockdown really highlighted the fact that we need a new laptop. The kids needed it for their home learning, doing zoom calls on the phone and tablet is a pain and we simply need a laptop to consider ourselves functioning adults ( Home fracking learning; Ennui, boredom, sadness and zoom doom). I have long resisted buying devices for the kids, because the more we can avoid getting them addicted, the better. If we only have one functioning iPad, well, then they have to learn to share with each other, but more importantly, I always keep it uncharged so that I can say, oh sorry, there’s no battery. Yes I know this screws me a bit too, but it’s fine. I can cope.
I have a real mental block when it comes to understanding technology. I went on to the Curry’s website thinking I could do some research on what I want and I honest to God could not understand a word of the description. There are literally thousands of different devices I could choose from. I typed in Microsoft because I am a dinosaur and that’s what I know and there were no joke around 50 different Surfaces I could choose from. How am I meant to know what to get. The choice is overwhelming. Surface Pro. Surface laptop. Surface Go. The list goes on. This is not even taking into account other makes. My brain got so overwhelmed. I gave up. This is modern life. So many choices. So many decisions. So many things to consider. So many things to get wrong. It is no wonder we are all paralysed by every thing ( Clutter clutter clutter; Errand Paralysis). How can we ever know we are making the right choice. Now I know this is a first world problem. I am so lucky I can buy a laptop and I have choices. But sometimes having these choices can feel debilitating. I just want a laptop that works. I don’t know what I need it for. I don’t know what I want to do with it. What is the difference between i7 and i5. Do I need to edit videos and photos? Well not right now, but my kids may want to in 3 years. I don’t want to buy another laptop in 3 years because the one I bought now is not up to scratch.
I read a blog the other day about how modern motherhood is so frustrating and one of the reasons is because of consumerism. We have so many things and we always feel the need to have more. It has been wired into us. But this consumerism hurts our souls and makes us feel less connected and grounded. Buying a laptop has just brought this into sharp focus because I am simply overwhelmed by what I can have even if I don’t need it. As a person who lives in the world, I am not immune to wanting new shiny things. How do we wade through all this choice that on the surface seems so wonderful but in reality is harming our souls without turning us into some socialist society that mandates that we all have the same things? I don’t know. I just want a new laptop for crying out loud.