We need to talk about cauliflower rice you guys. It’s disgusting. I’m sorry if you love it and I’m dissing your favourite food, but it’s legit gross. Look, I love cauliflower. It’s a beautiful and delicious vegetable and I’m always looking for new ways of using it. I even bought a cookbook dedicated to just cauliflower. That’s how much I love it. It is no trouble for me to eat cauliflower. One of my biggest issues during lockdown (aside from the obvious ones) was that I could never get a cauliflower. My favourite way of eating cauliflower has to be from the legend that is Ottolenghi. His roasted-cauliflower-with-harissa-chili-oil is beyond delicious and I normally make it at least once a month. If you like cauliflower as much as I do, go and make this recipe. Come back and thank me and then thank God for Ottolenghi. So why am I ranting about cauliflower rice? Why did I choose to eat cauliflower rice? Well, I’m Indian, which means rice and Rotlis are staples in my house. As they should be. I want my kids growing up eating homemade Indian food like I did. But as I’m now getting older (ahem, Forty) I can’t always eat rotlis and rice with reckless abandon like I used to. Even Chump, who is the world’s most beautiful man with his Adonis belt (don’t know what that is? Go look it up) now doesn’t eat as many rotlis and rice as he used to. So enter cauliflower rice. And if it’s another easy way to get some brassica goodness in, then sign me up. Don’t worry, the kids still eat rice and rotlis. I want them to grow, grow, grow. But cauliflower rice is just all wrong. It’s watery and insipid and tastes like boiled cauliflower. With all the beautiful things cauliflower can do, cauliflower rice is just simply not acceptable. I’d rather get my brassica goodness another way. That’s it. That’s all I had to say. Nothing else. Cauliflower rice sucks. That’s it. Bye.
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