When I start thinking, bad things happen. Because things get set off in my head and a function of my OCD and anxiety means I can’t rest until whatever thought I’ve been ruminating on is resolved in some way. So I think and I think and I get myself into a complete state of breakdown until finally either a resolution comes to me or I just get so overwhelmed that I have a complete meltdown and shut down for weeks on end to recover from my own thoughts. I’m at the beginning stages of meltdown, so if you don’t see me for a few weeks you’ll know why.
Anyway, it was Boy’s birthday last week. The big guy turned 9. And I can confirm he is growing up to be a massive legend. The guy just says funny things. He thinks profound thoughts. He has the best taste in music. He loves Snoop and Pharrell. I mean legend. So for his birthday, we got together with extended family (outside in that crazy rain and hail we had a few weeks ago) and I made him a birthday cake. He got showered with love and affection. Then for his actual birthday we went to Norfolk and had a beach holiday (hahah it just makes me laugh thinking that a holiday in Norfolk now counts as a beach holiday. What a joke of a world we live in). Today we are taking him and his closest friends out for a little birthday party (again in the rain. What the actual f*ck) and I’ve made him another epic cake. The guy is truly loved. And when it’s Girl’s birthday, hopefully she will feel as loved and special as her brother. And he is also lucky. He is lucky that he has family who love him and look after him. That we are in stable careers and can provide not just his basic needs, but his wants and desires too. He can have whatever he wants (within reason of course). He never (thank God) goes hungry or feels neglected or unloved, or unsafe in anyway. And thinking about how much I love my children and how I would do anything for them made my head spin. In a bad way. Because then I started thinking about all the children in the world who simply don’t have that. They don’t have adults in their lives who love and care for them. I’m not talking about just orphans, but children who have had the misfortune to be born to parents who abuse them and neglect them.
Now as a society, if we really put our heads together, we can eradicate poverty. Poverty doesn’t need to be a life sentence. Of course we need governments to do the right thing and provide for those who can’t provide for themselves. And I’m not going to get all preachy and political, because that’s not my style, but let’s just say that with a bit of compassion and empathy, poverty doesn’t need to be an issue. But what upsets me and where I feel helpless and hopeless is how we can help children who are neglected, abused and unloved. We can’t eradicate that as a society. We can in some cases find children who have been abused and neglected and take them out of those homes and into safety and security, but what about the children we can’t find. Or the children who it’s too late for. It breaks my heart. It hurts my head. As a sentient human being, I never liked the idea of a child being hurt in any way, but when I became a parent suddenly it felt even more unthinkable that anyone would hurt a child.
We are currently watching The Wire. This is where you can chuckle if you know me, because we’ve been watching The Wire for about 4 years now. It’s an epic show and we love it. But I can’t watch too much of it, because it physically causes me pain. We are on season 4 now. The season on schools in Baltimore. And I honest to God can’t muster the courage to watch it, because I can’t watch children in the system who have no hope of escape. I can’t watch children being neglected and abused by their parents who are supposed to love and protect them. Shiiiiit. So now you know. I’ve put the burden on you too. I don’t know what the solution is. All I know is that we need one.
By the way if you’re really bored, please click on this link again and again. The Shiiiit Button. It’s the most fun you’ll ever have.