Home sweet home

I’ve realized something. Home is beginning to feel like a prison to me. I went to the office for the first time this week in about 18 months. It was truly blissful. I met colleagues in person, got so much stuff done and it didn’t feel like a drag. Don’t get me wrong. I like working from home and I believe that when this is all over, we should still all have the ability to work from home. And I am productive from home too. But it all feels like effort from home. It began to feel stifling. Waking up and doing the same thing. Having no variation in my routine. Initially, when the pandemic first started, I thought working from home was the best thing ever. Suddenly we had time. We could exercise. Eat well. Spend time with our families. But now, all this time in, all of those things feel like a drag. I’m lucky. When the pandemic happened and Chump and I had to give up our gym memberships, we bought ourselves some home equipment. I am obsessed with my elliptical and used to regularly go to the gym and workout. We also invested in a Peloton. And initially, it was wonderful. We didn’t have to leave home to work out. How great. We could work a full day, workout and still spend time together as a family. We were saving so much money. We ate at home. Healthy meals that we cooked. How amazing! Long may this remain. I’ve been feeling all blah lately. Not really enjoying my workouts. Stopping them midway. Feeling generally unmotivated. And when I went to the office, it suddenly dawned on me. I’m feeling blah and listless because I’ve been trapped at home. Going into the office was revolutionary. I used my commute to read my book. I actually left my desk and had lunch. I didn’t have any stupid Zoom calls. I got dressed properly. Wore clothes I hadn’t worn in 2 years. Now I know you’re thinking – you can read your book at home too. No, when I’m at home, I objectively know what I should be doing. I should be reading, or exercising etc. But because I’m at home and there is no pressure, I end up watching tv, or scrolling on my phone. Kind of living purposelessly. As soon as I drop the kids to school or camp or whatever, I end up logging in to work. I don’t go out for lunch. I don’t even make my own lunch anymore. I’m so bored of eating at home, that I end up just eating crisps and some form of toast with peanut butter. I know I know. It’s all in my power. I should make a healthy lunch. I should do other things at lunch time. But it’s just such a drag. Whereas being in the office forces you to do things again. Because who wants to eat at their desk? I don’t. So I actually go out for a walk, get some Vitamin D and fresh air and make sensible eating choices. I also don’t have my entire kitchen at my disposal, so I don’t end up snacking on junk. I’m not saying I’m going to work from the office permanently. I think working from home is important and I think we should all have the option, not just parents and carers. But for me, I just wasn’t thriving at home all the time. I need to be out of my house. Right now, home isn’t a sanctuary. It’s a prison. And I want to feel like my home is a sanctuary again. And the only way to do that is to be away from it for a while.