When lockdown first started I actually liked it. I liked the change in the pace of life because anyone who has young school aged children knows – life is intense and busy managing their schedules. There is school and all the homework, meetings with teachers, concerts, plays, sports days, coffee mornings, after school activities, birthday parties, play dates, fitting in seeing grandparents and cousins. By the end of it, parents really feel like there is just nothing left of us. Not to mention our own business – work, trying to be healthy, trying to have hobbies, trying to be an interesting person, a good spouse, a good friend, a good child and the list just goes on and on. So when lockdown started, I breathed a sigh of relief. No more running around trying to take the kids to swimming and this play date and that birthday party. No end of term concerts to think about and plan logistically with the other spouse. No travelling into work, no feeling guilty when I skipped the gym again, no having to rush to grandparents house for a quick visit amongst all the errands and chores that need to be done. So yes, initially I welcomed lockdown. I saw my kids and husband sigh with relief too. But now, two months into lockdown, I don’t feel so positive. For reasons youve already read about in my other posts, I’m tired of the home learning and cooking. The majority of their extracurriculars take place on zoom which means they run away and don’t participate fully. But to add to all of that, I’m bored. I can usually deal with boredom. I like it. I relish it. I thrive on my alone time. But now there is nothing new in life. Every day it’s the same. Lets go for our daily walk to the same park. Same route. There is nothing exciting anymore. Every weekend I wake up feeling excited that it’s the weekend but then remember we can’t go anywhere. Reading about Dominic Cummings breaking the lockdown just triggered an ennui in me. Maybe his reason was valid. I don‘t know and I don’t care. I am just jealous that he got to leave his little bubble. I am bored of my bubble. I am bored of my suburb. I miss being able to get in the car on a nice sunny day and think where should we go today. What new restaurant should we discover. What museum should we visit. And it’s not like we were out all the time before lockdown. I mean hello, we had birthday parties and play dates after all. But the opportunity was there. We could call friends in the morning and say meet us for brunch. Now we have conversations from our balcony. I miss the freedom of potential. I almost want to say that I miss a bit of routine even though that routine exhausted me. I miss doing the school run and walking to the gym, standing outside and deliberating whether to go in and instead walk to the bookstore and browsing the shelves. Now I’m reading more than ever but the joy of discovering new books isn’t there because online shopping experiences just aren’t the same. Now it’s long weekend and half term. And instead of doing new and fun things with the kids and spending some downtime with our families, we will be cooped up indoors wondering when we will be free again. Wondering when we can call Noogimi or the K faces and say let’s meet at the box park. Or we can go for a walk somewhere that isn’t our local park and not be scared of being accused of breaking the lockdown. Anyway if anyone has any ideas of where we can go that won’t get us in trouble but will get us out of this funk, let me know. I have literally nothing better to do with my time right now.
COPYRIGHT © Ruminations of Yasmin