I am a massive procrastinator. I’m a quitter and I suffer massive grandeurs of delusion that I need to be productive and meet my potential. But the reality is I’m way too lazy and neurotic to do anything meaningful, so I just sit around and pontificate about how I should be doing more and then feel really guilty that I do nothing. I mean it’s ridiculous right. I know. But anyway, it’s not entirely my fault. I kind of feel like the whole system is stacked against us. By us, I mean parents. I kind of want to be granular and say mothers, but I don’t want to be provocative. And I know dad’s work hard and blah blah blah. So no disrespect to the dads out there ok? You are valuable. I know that. But here’s the thing. For the majority of people I know, the mothers are the primary caregivers. Some women work, some don’t. That’s all fine. I do a mix of both. I am very lucky that I can work part time. You don’t have to recite my privilege to me. I get it. Now pre-Covid, I was also very lucky that I had a nanny to help me with childcare, which meant that I didn’t stress about picks ups and activities etc. I could just get on with my working day in peace. I think we all know that in most cases, when a child is unwell, nursery/school will call Mum first. Even if she works too! It’s only if they can’t reach Mum, that they might call Dad. Now of course, we can all just say to the schools/nurseries – call Dad, don’t call me. But the reality is, it’s just easier in my family for me to be the first port of call. Because I’m mum. So if something goes wrong, I can just tell my work, I need to go and deal with my kids. And because I’m mum, it’s understandable. Whereas if dad gets a call at work, maybe the employer is less sympathetic, because isn’t there a wife or nanny kicking around somewhere who can deal with all the domestic issues? So, having a nanny was a huge weight off my mind. It levelled the playing field a little bit. Then Covid happened and it turns out I’m working from home and so I can do the pick ups and drop offs and since I’m at home, if I get a call from school, I have a 5 minute journey to school to deal with whatever the issue is. But it also means, my day ends at 2:30pm. Ok, on the days I work, the kids go to after school care at school and I pick them up later, but if I am even a minute late, Girl freaks out, because all her friends got picked up first and she hates being the last kid at school. But on days I’m not working, my day legit ends at 2:30pm. That’s when most people have a coffee break and then get on with their work for another couple of hours. So, get a nanny, I can hear you tutting to yourself. Well, I can’t really justify a nanny for the days I’m not working. Now you may ask yourself, what do you do on the days that you’re not working. Ok, I do mental amounts of laundry. I workout. I see my parents (socially distanced of course). I see some friends. I get dinner ready. Run errands. You know, just general adulting. And then I think, ooh, I need to have a side hustle or do something with all my spare time and my considerable talents. And then I think, what spare time? I have no spare time. By the time I’ve finished all my adulting, it’s like 2:15pm and I just barely have enough time to have a cup of coffee. And then I feel bad that I’ve procrastinated and done nothing, even though I’m a mad genius who has potential coming out of my ears. I don’t mean to sound like such a victim. And trust me being a victim is not the way I roll, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like the system is stacked against me because I am a mother and therefore technically a responsible adult, hahah. What a joke. But also because I’m a woman and apparently we can have it all. We can be mothers, we can be entrepreneurs. We can have careers. We can be beautiful. We can be fit. We can have active social lives. We can have hobbies. We can have hot, fresh, healthy meals for our families. We can do everything. But it’s not just that we can do everything. It’s that we must do everything. And if we’re not doing everything, then we are doing it all wrong. And I am not doing any of the above well. I am failing at everything.
