Robot McRobotface

Guys. I did it. I took the plunge. I bought a robot hoover. You all know my unfortunate obsession with crumbs ( Monotony, the dishwasher and crumbs) so this was an inevitable move. Upon unboxing my robot said to me – I am inevitable. Yes Thanos. Ok. Point accepted. But my robot is so special that it also mops. Hate mopping? Me too! It all feels so pointless. You sweep up all the crumbs, mop the floor and it all happens again two hours later when the animals want their lunch. Or millionth snack of the day. Sweeping and mopping became such emotional torture for me. I‘ve long toyed with the idea of getting a robot hoover but as I live with two small children who collect rubbish as though their lives depend on it and then proceed to dump their rubbish all over my house, I thought the robot hoover might see my floors and have an existential crisis. And that’s my crisis. Get your own crisis robot. You know when you ask the kids to clean up their toys or do any sort of tidying it’s as though you’ve murdered someone and deserve to be chucked into jail. Which is what my house feels like most days. Anyway I digress. My good friend M (hi M!) waxed lyrical about her robot hoover and prevailed upon me with her good sense. So I did it. I bit the bullet. It turns out that having a robot hoover makes me more tidy because I actually have to pick up all the clutter lying around the floor. This in itself makes me feel better. I’ve named my robot Robot McRobotface. I’ve had McRobotface for two days. The children live in fear of the mighty Robot and don;t dare to leave rogue Lego pieces around. It’s been worth it just for that. Is McRobotface perfect? No of course not. I am following it around and I still see some crumbs under the table. This annoys me. But I think I need to rearrange the chairs to make life a little bit easier for McRobotface. I think me and McRobotface have some work to do together but I suspect it will become as beloved to me as one of my own flesh and blood babies. Except this will be a robot baby. As long as I have clean floors I don’t care.