So this week, I had a bit of a tiff with Boy. Boy is the nicest kid. He’s sweet, kind, compassionate, patient. I often look at this kid and wonder how he’s my son. I’m such a dickhead as you all know and so is Chump. So the fact that Boy is just a nice kid is mind boggling.
Anyway, back to our little tiff. I brush Girl’s hair every morning and she screams her head off because she hates having her hair brushed. I keep asking her if she wants to cut her hair so that her hair tangles less, but she is insistent. She wants her hair down to her bum. Ok then. And well Boy has nice short hair, but I like combing his hair in the morning, because it makes him look so lovely. And I also feel a little bit like I have to level the playing field a bit. Why does Girl have to brush her hair? Yes I know she chooses to have long hair, but has she been conditioned to think that long hair is what girls are supposed to have? I know, it’s a bit of a head f*ck and not the topic of this blog post, but I feel bad that Girl has to have her hair combed every morning and Boy just gets to wake up and not have to deal with it. I know. I’m a parenting monster. So naturally Boy just screams and screams that he doesn’t want to have his hair combed and I insist that he has to have his hair combed.
Later that day, Chump asked why insisted that Boy had to have his hair combed and that Boy is such a sweet kid and we need to let him feel like he has control over his life, because kids just don’t have that much control. Yes. Yes you’re right Chump. I agreed with that and then I proceeded to feel bad. I apologized to Boy and I haven’t combed his hair since. But it made me think. We are always told as parents to pick our battles. We can’t win everything and the kids need to feel like they win too. But here’s the thing, the battles that I have to win are so basic. Like brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, having a shower, doing homework, putting on uniform, going to school. These are not moral victories for me. They don’t make me feel good. They are just what normal kids have to do. Why are these shitty “victories” supposed to be my wins, rather than just standard behaviour of decent human beings? And because my kids have to do these things against their will, they suddenly need to win at other things? Parenting sucks. I never feel like I’m winning. I always feel like I’m losing at everything and if getting my kids to brush their teeth is supposed to be some great victory for me, then we are doing this parenting thing all wrong.
