Right so you know I’ve been all obsessed with death lately right? Not my own. I’m not going to be here to deal with the repercussions of my own death, so I’m not worried about dying. Although, I don’t want to come back after I die, so that’s always a concern. But what I am worried about is the death of my loved ones. So I’m obsessed with the passage of time. I’m so acutely aware that every moment is the last moment that that moment will ever exist. Do you get me? Boy went away for a few days on a class trip. And I missed him so much. I felt bereft. And physically heartbroken that my child wasn’t at home. That I wasn’t able to talk to him and hold him and just see him. It actually hurt my feelings. When he came home I told him he was never allowed to leave home again and he told me he missed roblox. That’s my emotionally stunted boy! We really love each other him and I. But anyway, he’s 10 now. He’s getting big. He’s getting independent. And I don’t grudge him or his sister, my little baby Girl from growing up. As a parent it’s what you want. For your child to grow up and be happy and independent. And besides both of them are still cuddly as hell, so I’m good. But what did make me sad was watching the Platinum Jubilee and seeing Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louie getting so big. I cried for them. George and Charlotte are the same age as my babies and just seeing them so big completely freaked me out. It made me realize time is literally passing us all by. And then you know who I got really freaked out for? My parents. I mean I can’t deal with the thought. So yeah, death scares the shit out of me. I don’t want Chump to die. I mean I know he’s a dickhead and he annoys the shit out of me, but I still need him. The thought of living in this world without him is one I can’t even bear. And let’s face it, women still outlive men, so I may be kicking around for 20 -30 years after he’s gone. That’s miserable. With any luck the kids will be surrounded by their children and grandchildren and I’ll just be the lonely old lady in the corner. I will actually move in with my sister. I hope she’s ready for me. We will just be those two weird old ladies that everyone avoids because we’re old and weird. And let’s face it, ageing sucks. That’s what actually scares me the most. Ageing. Ageing is inglorious and ugly. No matter how good shape you’re in, eventually old age catches up with you and become a decrepit old person that no one wants to talk to. You can’t control your bodily functions, you have no mobility. You can barely stay awake, you have no short term memory and you’re deaf. I mean it’s an awful life. I don’t want to age. I’m not scared of dying, but I’m scared of ageing. And now I’m firmly in my 40s, I am ageing. I can see it and I can feel it. And it’s terrifying. It’s not inglorious yet, but it’s only a matter of time. I read this article about how in your 70’s your body suddenly falls apart, even though you may have been in perfect shape up until that part. It’s depressing. So yes, I’m obsessed with the passage of time. I don’t want to get old. And I don’t want anyone to die. Ok back to bothering Chump.
