Mind Games

Ever have days when you just feel like your mind is sabotaging you? That you are just constantly struggling with that horrible inner voice that is just downright mean that is constantly telling you just how much you suck at life ? Me too ! On the daily. You know what really bothers me about this ? My mind is supposed to be on my side. I mean it is MY mind after all. It doesn‘t belong to my enemy, so why is it being such a giant pain in my ass? Anyway as you all know I do tae Kwon do. I love it. I started it late in life and so I have no ambitions other than to just enjoy my training and get a black belt. I am not good. I am just improving from a natural state of badness. But it’s fine. I enjoy it. I like seeing how the body can learn new things. But then the injuries started and the doubt crept in. What am I doing? why am I doing this? I’m old. I’ll never be good. This is ridiculous. You look ridiculous. You look like a giant Dorito ( Big Fat Rain). Go and eat Doritos. Just give up. Doritos are good. Go and buy Doritos right now. It is a struggle to haul my ass to class every week and when I do get there I am just filled with such negativity and doubt that I can’t do anything. It is as if I am paralysed ( Guilt, anxiety and other such pleasantries). My legs just don’t work and I feel clumsy and malcoordinated. I feel weak and silly. It’s horrible. I hate my mind. But I think I have a solution. I think I need to make friends with my shadow. What’s your shadow I hear you ask. Well the way I understand it, the shadow is the deepest, darkest part of you that you feel embarrassed about and are ashamed of. But when you make friends with your shadow, you accept this part of yourself and it helps to overcome your mental blocks. So if my real friends don’t see me for a while, then know this- I have ditched you for my shadow. Sorry.